Sad about family reaction to MMC
6 answers /
Last post: 11/02/2024 at 6:43 pm
My 12 week scan recently showed a MMC. I’d had no bleeding etc and an earlier scan looked perfect, so it was a sad shock. I was told it is too big to pass naturally or with medication and so am booked for surgery this week. This was my first pregnancy, and it took me a long time and lots of fertility treatment to get to this stage.
When I told my mum about the MC, she took hours to phone me back, and didn’t say she was sorry or really much at all when she eventually did call. I was hurt by the lack of support and affection, snapped angrily at her and hung up.
I’ve since sent two messages sincerely apologising, and also letting her know about the surgery. She’s not acknowledged either message. I feel hurt all over again - how can she play the victim when I am going through this? Or am I not seeing things clearly because it is all so raw at the moment?
Hi Charlotte,
We've moved your thread to our families and other relationships board, as we think it's a more appropriate place for this topic and you’re more likely to get responses here.
So sorry for your loss no what your feeling is right this isn't okay and shoukd be supportive that would be my sign to cut them off family or not this isn't how your treat people I'd be there supporting my children if this happened. X
Hi,
So I went through two miscarriages one at about 20 weeks and the other 22 weeks. I understand how difficult it is and how upsetting this must be. Totally get it!!
As for your mom, remember your mom was probably looking forward to this baby so she is probably having some difficulty dealing with this too. By mom had 9 miscarriages in total but did have 3 successful pregnancies.
So give your mom some time to process this too. You never know if perhaps your mom had miscarriages and those feelings are all coming back. You just don't know!!!
What may be worth doing is going to see her if that is possible. Try make peace with her.
Im so sorry for your loss.
i also lost my first pregnancy at 12 weeks in the height of covid when i was 20.
it was difficult cicumstances from a one night stand, i didnt even want it. Then i accepted i was going to be a mum and it was taken from me. When it happened i was so confused. They asked me what i wanted to do and i asked them to throw it on the furnace which i regret to this day.
no one who i was living with at the time except my best friend who was my neighbour at the time (her friend was the father) cared enough to talk to me about it.
i think to this day ive never really processed it i just got on with it. Im now almost 24, engaged and have an almost two year old boy.
but the third anniversary came up and i just felt really upset. i often wonder what could have been, what the gender would have been. I always wanted a girl.
i promise it does get easier and some people just wont talk about it or try and play it down.
good luck with everything, you're stronger than you know and you will get your rainbow baby 💛
Yes you snapped, but you felt hurt by her lack of support for you, you’ve apologized for snapping angrily, but also your mum should be apologizing for not being there for you aswell.
Don’t worry too much about it, it’s time for you to let her come to you, there’s not a lot else you can do.
Sorry on your loss.
