9 year old autistic daughter and school anxiety
5 answers /
Last post: 25/02/2024 at 9:07 pm
Hello,
I was wondering if anyone could offer some advice.
My 9 year old daughter is awaiting an ASD assessment. She has always struggled socialy and was delayed with all milestones. She is however very clever academically. Especially maths, reading and art.
She is very sensitive to loud noise and smells, and has a very limited diet due to picky eating. She is tall but very slim. Its hard to get her to eat correctly, so hard to get some weight on her.
She eats the right amount, just not enough fruit and veg.
She is overly sensitive. Masks all day at school (also wears ear defenders all day everyday at school as she cant deal with the noise) then is rude and moody with us at home, shes also very lazy in regard to doing chores or things for herself. If shes hungry, instead of getting herself a snack, will say "il just go without" if I say no to grabbing it.
She also has hypermobility, which causes pain in her legs and back. She goes to physio every few months but its hard to get her to keep to doing the exercises each day.
Her pain is severe some days where she can barely walk, and its seems to be inflammatory - when she is coming down with any type of illness, her legs always pain her at the start. She also has a low immune system which I assume is diet related.
She has not had any blood tests at any point. The DR tried last year but screamed blue merder and hyperventilated, so they couldnt do it.
The SENCO teacher at school is fantastic, but the school itself is not supportive. DD has low attendance around 50% due to various illness shes got from school (covid twice, and bugs etv) and days off due to hypermobility pain. The school last year started marking her abcenses as unauthorised, without even telling me that!
So I am so worried about her attendance levels.
Its only this lastbyear, but DD has started becoming more and more anxious about going to school. She struggles big time with the noise in class, and theres a boy that has picked on her since day 1 of reception. Ive repeatedly spoke to school and because this boy has "his own issues" school have done pretty much sweet FA about him picking on my daughter. Its not major bullying, but a constant steady low form of bullying, but unnacceptable.
She does have friends in school and her class.
Sorry for the long post, it may not make sense, but Im lost how to help DD, breaks my heart when she cries going in.
Thank you in advance xx
Hi Angela,
I'm Loraine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters.
I'm sorry you and your daughter are having such a tough time right now - sending gentle hugs your way this afternoon.
It sounds like you've already worked hard to get some support in place ie: you're waiting for an ASD assessment, she attends physio for her hypermobility, you attempted to get blood tests taken and you're working with the SENCO - well done you. Do you have any timescales for the ASD assessment?
I'm sorry to hear 'the school itself is not supportive' - can you explain a bit more about that Angela? Apart from the SENCO, have they taken any other measures to support your daughter? Have you spoken with the head?
The National Autistic Society are a wonderful resource for finding out what help is available for all things autism related including supporting children with autism so that they can attend mainstream schools. They offer advice and guidance on diagnosis, behaviour, dealing with bullying etc which you may find helpful to read through. You can find the relevant pages here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance They also have an online community where you can speak with other parents who may be going through the same or similar situations.
Hopefully, some of our lovely community will drop by soon and share their experiences with you, but keep chatting here with us and we'll try to get you the best information we can.
Loraine x
Hi Angela,
I'm Loraine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters.
I'm sorry you and your daughter are having such a tough time right now - sending gentle hugs your way this afternoon.
It sounds like you've already worked hard to get some support in place ie: you're waiting for an ASD assessment, she attends physio for her hypermobility, you attempted to get blood tests taken and you're working with the SENCO - well done you. Do you have any timescales for the ASD assessment?
I'm sorry to hear 'the school itself is not supportive' - can you explain a bit more about that Angela? Apart from the SENCO, have they taken any other measures to support your daughter? Have you spoken with the head?
The National Autistic Society are a wonderful resource for finding out what help is available for all things autism related including supporting children with autism so that they can attend mainstream schools. They offer advice and guidance on diagnosis, behaviour, dealing with bullying etc which you may find helpful to read through. You can find the relevant pages here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance They also have an online community where you can speak with other parents who may be going through the same or similar situations.
Hopefully, some of our lovely community will drop by soon and share their experiences with you, but keep chatting here with us and we'll try to get you the best information we can.
Loraine x
Thank you so much for your reply.
When I say the school itself are unsupportive, I mean that when my daughter is off of school with her pains, they mark her as unauthorised. It feels like im being called a liar.
I work part time and have a house to run and im having a really hard time mentally and physically with perimenopause, so my daughter being home is not helpful to me, why would I just let her stay home. My 13 yrs olds attendance is above 90%. Just upsets me they mark it as unauthorised.
I have had a meeting with the head last year amd the new one this year, and both were just concerned about the attendance.
When I mentioned about anxiety, they both basically told me I have to force her to go in, crying or not. She cried going in the other day, broke my heart.
We have been on the wait list about 9 months, but they did say it could take up to 18 months.
We also have issues with sleep too. She struggles to get to sleep at night, which keeps me up as she calls out alot, so Im knackered all the time. Her dad is around alot and helps, so im fortunate in that respect. Shes a mummys girl though, so even when hes here, she wants me xxx
I’m sorry you going through this I know how hard it is, I have autistic children all the same
I was sick of being told to force them in it just got worse and worse school were even using restraint
I now home educate best thing I ever did, I can control the sensory triggers and it’s been the absolute best thing I’ve done. The change I’ve seen in the children is immense
home educating is not for everyone it was last resort for myself as school kept saying they couldn’t meet needs. For my daughter it continued to secondary school and it just got worse. Will camhs offer any help and has she got a ehcp?
I’m sorry you going through this I know how hard it is, I have autistic children all the same
I was sick of being told to force them in it just got worse and worse school were even using restraint
I now home educate best thing I ever did, I can control the sensory triggers and it’s been the absolute best thing I’ve done. The change I’ve seen in the children is immense
home educating is not for everyone it was last resort for myself as school kept saying they couldn’t meet needs. For my daughter it continued to secondary school and it just got worse. Will camhs offer any help and has she got a ehcp?
Hi,
We were refused an ECHP due to her attendance being so awful, and even though i provided copies of hospital app letters for physio, they said she wasnt getting enough local support to fit the criteria.
Ive considered homeschool, but she refuses to do normal home work, so im worried shed do the same with homeachool work, plus she needs the social sode as she struggles with that quite a lot, poor girl doesnt understand when ppl are joking, takes everything literally and personally xxx
